So, I'm in the final stages of choosing where to go to grad school/seminary for the Fall. Yes, yes, I know... it is June 7th. Yes, I know, I probably should have been at this point last December when there were more scholarships available. Yes, that would have given me time to go and look for places to live instead of hoping that there will be on-campus housing available. Yes, I would have had more time to realistically plan myself out financially instead of hoping and praying that the money will be there.
Yes, I know all of these things... but I wouldn't change it.
I know that's much easier to say when you can't change it.
Even if I found a flux capacitor on eBay, I'd still go down this road though.
It's really tempting to treat the process of choosing a grad school like LeBron James' "Decision"... especially when you have a few choices. Believe me, I've been humbled enough by times when I was turned down by people to really appreciate acceptance. Even then, it's so easy to feel like you deserve it. It's so easy to feel like you're something special.
It's so easy to forget God.
In the midst of a situation where it is so easy to think highly of myself and to be narcissistic, it takes something large to move my attention off of myself. That's where all of this stress comes in. That's where the fear comes in. Will I choose the right school? Will I find somewhere to live? Will I be able to build relationships when I get there? Should I just pick a school where there are already people I know living in the area? How will I pay for this? Did I wait too long to be making a good choice?
I look to my left and I see pride.
I look to my right and I see fear.
If I really open my eyes though... I'll be able to see that God is leading me through this.
God can and will take my mistakes, my lack of forethought, my immaturity and use them to cause me to follow Him closer. All of the unknowns keep me from remaining prideful. The blessings of having the opportunity of a few choices in where to go act as a reminder that God is indeed at work in me. God is working through my pride and through my fear to see Him more clearly.
I'm still not sure where I'll be in the Fall.
I do know, however, Who will be there with me.